A “Project Gather” in Givatayim
In May of 2023, United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released an advisory concerning “our epidemic of loneliness and isolation,” which he maintained “has been an under appreciated public health crisis.” Dr. Murthy said that a good way to tackle this crisis is to “prioritize building social connection,” and toward this end, in January a nationwide initiative called Project Gather is being rolled out. According to its website, “Project Gather believes that eating with others can bring joy, build interpersonal connections, and ultimately help solve the loneliness epidemic in the U.S affecting one out of every two Americans at any moment.” This past November, in an effort to promote the Project, The New York Times was invited to cover a pot-luck dinner, attended by Dr. Murthy and culinary stars such as Joan Nathan, Alice Waters, and José Andrés. Fortuitously, in November I too was given an opportunity to promote Project Gather, as my daughter Ruthie and her husband Nofar hosted some of their neighbors at a gathering in their Givatayam home.
For the November gathering in Givatayim (a city adjoining Tel Aviv from the East), Ruthie and Nofar decided to invite the people in their building around their own age (mid 30s), planning to include the building’s elderly residents a few weeks later in a Hanukkah candle-lighting. There were five guests from three apartments: a couple without children, a couple with a child being babysat by one of their parents, and a widow with a 3-year-old to whom Ruthie gave a wireless baby monitor. The gathering was set for 8:30 p.m., with Ruthie and Nofar ordering pizza and the guests bringing wine. I asked Nofar why he initiated this gathering, and he said: “I wanted to get to know my neighbors.” I asked him: “But can’t you get to know your neighbors by happening upon them every once in a while?” His answer: “No.” And surely he is right. Because from a group of seven people who had previously been only casual acquaintances, there ensued deep conversation that lasted for four hours.
Ruthie described what happened this way: “We talked like we were sitting with friends, talking about our kids, about the war, about serving in the reserves.” I asked about the young widow, whose husband had died on October 9, 2023 as a reserve soldier fighting terrorists in one of the kibbutzim. Ruthie said that the woman herself brought up the topic, saying: “It must be weird for you sitting here with me.” Several people told her that they felt for her and that “it’s all around us now.” Then one of the men, Ori, said that his own father had died when Ori was relatively young, and he talked about his experiences and feelings. In short, Ruthie said: “We went very deep.”
The Project Gather event in Givatayim was a fabulous success. Amit, one of the women in attendance, even wrote her thanks on the group’s whatsapp chat that very night, though it was almost 1:00 a.m.: “Ruthie and Nofar, you sweet people, a giant thanks for hosting—what a wonderful time together.” From a single shared meal together, a group of relative strangers had become friends.
If you need further inspiration to participate in Project Gather, take a look at “Recipes for Connection,” a colorful, whimsical booklet produced by Dr. Murthy’s office. In addition to other “gathering” stories, the booklet offers pointers such as “ingredients for any gathering,” “making the invite,” “examples of real-life invitations,” and “strategies for easing gathering anxieties.” And if you need an additional authority other than the Surgeon General as to the importance of “gatherings,” the Talmud (Shabbat 127a) lists “hospitality toward guests” as one of six precepts where “a person enjoys the fruits in this world while the principal reward remains intact for that person in the world to come.”
Teddy Weinberger is a contributing writer to Jlife magazine. He made aliyah with his family in 1997 from Miami, where he was an assistant professor of religious studies. Teddy and his wife, Sarah Jane Ross, have five children.
